I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
