You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
