My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
This is the high leading the old right now
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
