never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
