she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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