it was like eating out sand paper
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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