i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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