Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
