dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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