We're like a lot better than the average bears
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
