The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
did i just pee glitter
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
