People with herpes should wear stickers.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
