Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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