I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
ugly people sure do ruin things
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize