who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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