Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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