i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
