We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
