If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
