Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Randomize
