Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
