All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
