If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
My Sexting was not on an AP level
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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