careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
