Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
