He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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