would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
