No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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