I'm pants shitting drunk right now
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
