Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
