I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
