Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
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