Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
