doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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