I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
pray to the hookup gods
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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