Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
