But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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