So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
