At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
