I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
