he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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