She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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