just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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