i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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