Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Randomize
