I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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