I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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