am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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