i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Randomize
