im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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