Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
