go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
