Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
