And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
