the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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