I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You work out of a Hotel?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
