I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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