ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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