Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
