I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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