Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
