I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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