You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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