Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Dicks are not precious.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
