That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
try to milk me bitch
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