I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
