Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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