yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
