i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
