dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
