I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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