If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
