I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize