I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
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