I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
