she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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