Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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