Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
