question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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