hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
