I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
